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03:26 pm: The Prude and The Trollop

Occasionally, I come upon a review (there has been more than one) of The Unexpected Enlightenment of Rachel Griffin where the reader threw the book across the room and stopped reading at the scene in Chapter Four where crazy orphan boy Sigfried Smith encounters a young woman deliberately wearing too-tight clothing to flaunt her curves and uses the word (brace yourselves, my dear readers) trollop.

These reviewers universally agree: clearly the author (not the character, mind you) must be a disapproving prude out to slut-shame all well-endowed girls.

This is obvious, because the "trollop's" name is Salome Iscariot–which no author in their right mind would give to a character who was not a villainess. So don't read her book. Because, you know, evil.


Salome Iscariot is not a villain.

So, to put to bed any rumors that Salome Iscariot is not adored by her author, here is an excerpt from the soon-to-be-released Third Book of Unexpected Enlightenment: Rachel and the Many-Splendored Dreamland.

"Leave it to Beaver" (l-r) Kristen Bell ("Veronica Mars") with guest star Amanda Seyfried ("Lilly Kane") in VERONICA MARS on UPN.  Photo: Ron P. Jaffe/ UPN. ©2005 CBS Broadcasting Inc.All Rights Reserved

Valerie Hunt and her best friend, Salome Iscariot 


From: Rachel and the Many-Speldored Dreamland

Chapter Twenty-Eight:
Though the World May Burn

“Eeevil! I told you he was evil!” Salome arched her back into a bridge atop a table in the Storm King Café and raised one leg, pointing her toe toward the ceiling. Her skirt slipped down revealing her black-tights-clad thigh. She pursed her deep red lips. “Vladimir Von Dread is sooo evil! Not that I object to him anymore, mind you. He’s actually kind of cool, not to mention brain-stunningly gorgeous, but…conqueror of sixty-five worlds! Totally eeeeevil!”

Siggy’s eyes grew huge, fixed on the shapeliness of her inner thigh. A happy dreamy look came over his face. Then, yanking his gaze away, he grabbed a fork off the table and stuck it into his own thigh until he grunted with discomfort.

“Um, Miss Iscariot,” Siggy raised his palm to form blinders, blocking his view of the young lady. “I don’t mean to sound critical, but this may not be the best place for a display of modern dance. Right, Lucky?”

“I don’t know,” Lucky cocked his head to one side and then the other, “maybe it’s a mating dance. You should bite her on the back of her neck and drag her off to the harem cave. Do you have the hot volcanic sands ready for the eggs?”

“Lucky,” Sigfried replied sternly, “I have explained to you about no harems.” He leaned over and put his arm around Valerie, who rolled her eyes. “Miss Iscariot may be eye-burningly attractive, but I am a one-woman man.”

“I am with Mr. Smith, Miss Iscariot. Perhaps this is not the best venue to appear so unclad,” murmured the Princess, who sat at the same table as Siggy, sipping her tea. Her Tasmanian tiger sat regally beside her.

“Oh you people. You’re such prudes.” Salome flipped her legs over her head and landed lightly on her feet on the floor. She spread her arms. “Ta-da!”

She adjusted her skirt with lackadaisical slowness. The older boys at the far table were not as chivalrous as Sigfried and watched the whole thing with prurient interest. She turned and gave them a languid, smoky glance over her shoulder.

“Does your boyfriend mind you doing that?” Rachel asked, thinking with pleasure of the moment, during the Knight’s dueling period, when she had bested Salome's boyfriend, the handsome and arrogant Ethan Warhol.

“What can he do about it?” Salome shrugged her shoulders in a fashion pleasing to the upperclassman boys. “If he wants the gorgeous lusciousness that is me,” she made a cute, cheerful gesture, ending with both her hands—and her flaming pink and fire-truck red nails—pointing at her face, “my entourage of lust-maddened boy-toys is part of the package.”


Originally posted to Welcome to Arhyalon. (link)

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[User Picture]
From:Jenny Bates
Date:September 5th, 2016 07:39 pm (UTC)


I like the word, and consider it a polite description! even better to find your characters cannot be judged by how they look! and even better I'll love to see it in print! When will the book with pages to turn version be ready for preorder?

xx your Donkey Angel
[User Picture]
Date:September 5th, 2016 07:43 pm (UTC)

Re: Trollop

Jenny, the paper version is not up yet, but I hope it will be up within the month.
[User Picture]
Date:September 6th, 2016 12:33 am (UTC)

Re: Trollop

Did I tell you about Tom's Cove last year? I can't recall if I told you the story of how Tom's Cove, Chincoteague, got its name.
Date:September 13th, 2016 06:26 pm (UTC)
Loved the first Rachel book, and the other two are on my Amazon list. Not sure what book those reviews were reading since I never got the impression that you, the writer, didn't like Salome. Oh well, people interpret things they read differently.

After reading this, clearly you like her. Lilly was dead before the first episode started, and Veronica spent the first season solving her best friend's murder. Salome makes it to the third book (at least)!
[User Picture]
Date:September 13th, 2016 07:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you. Yeah. Salome is great fun. She has some mysteries, but she definitely takes the cake for bubbly.

If you haven't seen it, this is the most...dramatic...example of the kind of review I am referring to:


It's rather funny, really.

Edited at 2016-09-13 07:16 pm (UTC)
Date:September 14th, 2016 05:33 pm (UTC)
Oh wow, that review was something else. I actually laughed out loud twice from her valiant attempts at stoking the Fires of Outrage.
[User Picture]
Date:September 14th, 2016 07:09 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it amuses me, too. ;-)

I think it's a young man. His name is Ian Woods, I believe.
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